Day Twenty Nine
God Fearing - Humble
Proverbs 31:30...Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!
Several years ago, I flew to Colorado for two weeks. Before leaving for the trip, I prepared myself through fasting and prayer, anticipating opportunities to minister. My prayers were, "Lord, I want to minister...I want to see You move...I want You to use me", etc. On the first weekend, my sister Debbie and I planned to drive over to Utah, a 3 hour trip, to visit our Dad and his wife for a couple of days. We left her house and were on the road for about 15 minutes when the fan belt in her car broke. We were able to make it to the nearest exit, where there was a gas/food mart. Next to this gas/food mart was a park filled with people, as there was a fall festival going on, with rides and all types of booths and entertainment. It is interesting that this was the exit we were closest to. While Debbie tried to contact her husband, I watched teenagers with red, blue or green hair, wearing all types of clothing, pierced eyebrows and faces and the like. At this gas/food mart, there was also a security guard standing watch outside, so we felt pretty safe.
Debbie's husband was out running errands and she was not able to reach him for about an hour. We immediately lost focus that God might have a plan, and talked of how upset we were that the car broke down. My comment was, "If I have to rent a car, I am going to see my Dad!" Debbie's comment was, "Why do bad things always happen to me?" As we stood in this parking lot, waiting to reach her husband, being generally self focused and upset over this interruption to our plans, watching all these young people coming and going, a man riding a Harley motorcycle, dressed in black leather and wearing gold chains rode in and pulled up beside us. He was a rather ominous looking fellow and appeared to be there to talk to some of the kids. He saw that the hood of Deb's car was up and walked over to see what was wrong. He began making remarks, asking where our husbands were, that he had just broken up with his girlfriend and wanted to find 'something different'. We told him that we were contacting Debbie's husband to come fix the car. But then, something remarkable began to unfold. As the motorcycle rider stood there beside the car, he began to talk about breaking up with his girlfriend and how he had some health problems and had to be on kidney dialysis. I told him that God heals kidneys and his attitude immediately changed. He said, "Oh yeah, I used to go to church."
While we stood in that parking lot, full of teenagers walking back and forth, with a security guard standing at the door watching us, and with several cars at the gas pumps filling up, I asked him if we could pray for him and he said yes. And this man, who rode into that parking lot looking for 'something different' after the breakup with his girlfriend, looking tough in his black leather and gold chains, stood with tears running down his face as we asked God to not only heal his kidneys, but to heal the wounds of his heart, and that he would find God's peace again. At no time were we ever in a position of danger. And after we prayed for him and he left, within 5 minutes, Debbie's husband came and fixed the car. By that time, it was too late to drive over to Utah, so we stopped at a restaurant to get a bite to eat and discussed what had just happened. We both repented to the Lord for our complaining and self focus, and were in awe of that man standing there in that parking lot with people all around and tears running down his face. We were in awe that while God did not break Debbie's fan belt, the opportunity arose to minister to someone, once we got over ourselves. Also, another interesting point is that on this 3 hour drive over to Utah, the area is rather desolate. If the fan belt had broken at a later time, we would have been stranded in the desert, at night.
What a lesson we learned that night. The next morning, we got up bright and early and made it to Dad's house with no problems. And the ministering opportunities continued to flow during the remainder of my time there. We were in a restaurant and met a young man from a foreign country who was our waiter. Debbie asked him how he came to be in America, in that particular area. He shared with us that his family were missionaries in his country and they had all been murdered, except for him. He was taken out of that country for protections' sake and brought to America. Debbie and I had the opportunity to pray for this young man; the Lord giving us very specific direction in prayer.
When Paul and I left Ohio and we began to travel with his job, I just knew we were going to have a big ministry, with people flocking to us. My mind was full of ideas of how wonderful and exciting this was going to be. The spiritual gifts God had given us were beginning to operate as we ministered to people and we were seeing hearts being healed of deep wounds, marriages being saved and lives being changed. I was excited, I had great plans for God and me, I had delusions of greatness and there was no humility in me. Oh, I was full of false humility when someone would thank us for ministering to them, acting modest on the outside, yet wanting to hear the praise inside. And during the first several months of our leaving Ohio, God gave me a major reality check. And guess what? It wasn't about me after all. Imagine that!
1 Corinthians 13:11 tells us...When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside. Children need to have attention, children need to be comforted when things get hard, children have many fears, children need a hand to hold onto when they step out into something new, children often hide behind their parents, children show off to each other, children are impressed with each other's toys. As we read through the Gospels, we see Jesus constantly speaking and teaching the disciples. And to sum it up in a nutshell, He taught them how to get over themselves, to grow up and walk as men of God. And after Jesus went to heaven and the disciples waited in the upper room for the promised Holy Spirit, we see strong men of God being born and walking as reflections of His Son.
If we yearn in our hearts to be all that God has called us to be, there is a process of growing up that we must all go through - that of getting over ourselves, our wills and our 'spiritual childhoods', and we walk in obedience to His will. However, there is a place we can enter, if we continue to walk as a child that is what I call a 'wanna be'. "Lord, I want to be free." "Lord, I want to serve You more." "Lord, I want to be a witness." "Lord, I want to know you more." "Lord, I want to...". And we cry out and we are filled with expectation and desire for God, yet never seem to get past that process of growing up, past childhood, past trying to impress each other with our gifts, past being afraid to step out and walk in obedience, past hiding behind prayer and works, past holding onto what is comfortable and safe, past needing to be praised for our efforts, past needing someone to notice what we are doing, past our delusions of greatness for God, past how hard something might be on us. We must grow past these things, which are caused by self focus, and grow into strong men and women of God, full of the fear of God, full of the understanding of His Word and full of humility; that is was never about us and what we can do, or how gifted we are, but is always and only about the Father and His will. A 'wanna be' is a person who continues to express their desire to 'be', yet never really 'is'.
Ephesians 4:15...Rather, let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]. Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head [even] Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).
2 Peter 3:18...But grow in grace (undeserved favor, spiritual strength) and recognition and knowledge and understand of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (the Messiah). To Him [be] glory (honor, majesty, and splendor) both now and to the day of eternity. Amen (so be it)!
A hearts' cry...Father, it's all about choice...